Metal Commissionaires are beings created in The Far Reaches by Grim Tuesday. They are employed in the troops of Monday's Noon.

Metal Commissionaires, as the name suggests are not Denizens and are in fact akin to highly sophisticated robots. Their organs are clockwork and their blood is a silver substance not unlike mercury. They wield truncheon, and as well as these weapons, they have the ability to unscrew their hands and replace them with a blade like a meat cleaver. Whether any other replacement hands are available is unknown.

The quality of these beings is called into question when Monday's Noon escorts Arthur to the entrance of the Lower Coal Cellar. The enry had little room to stand and when Noon ordered the Commissionaires to let him through to attach wings to Arthur, one Commissionaire thoughtlessly stepped off the platform and fell into the cellar, causing Noon to mutter something along the lines of "Inferior Merchandise."

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